we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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