I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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