There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
