went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
