Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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