I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
