I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I came so hard my ears popped.
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