my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
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