i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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