Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
