guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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