I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This baby is an asshole
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize