The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
