Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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