they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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