Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
