DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
