Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
