I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
