pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
