Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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