i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
