ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize