Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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