The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
