I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
