We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
