and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
