Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize