one might say we're banned from that church
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
