Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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