what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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