why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
