just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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