All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
