saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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