Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
how drunk are you?
Several
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
