im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
