the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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