So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
