he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
