the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I need water and some morals
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
