When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
