soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
