Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
