cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
