just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the day after is always just damage control
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize