girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the day after is always just damage control
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
