bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
