I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize