i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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