If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
