...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i out mim tonsoeep
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
