This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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