It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
