marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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