Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
