how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Drunk is not a location!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
