Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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