just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
