Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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