hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
