I want to stick my p in your. b.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
