you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
