how can u be prego again
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
