Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
smell my finger.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
