I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
