Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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