we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize