I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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