It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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