I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
