He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
