Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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