Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
