bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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