i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
