Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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