so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
