the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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