I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
