Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i've created a new STD.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
