I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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