so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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