Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
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