She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize