One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
