She is in my trunk
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
