Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
