so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
