Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
