my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize