I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
