Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize