Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
