I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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