And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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