my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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