So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
